i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
