All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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