Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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