I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
