I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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