I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
