so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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