Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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