One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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