so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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