I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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