my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
