im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
