listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
