There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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