i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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