So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
