you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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