Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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