I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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