You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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