the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
