I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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