He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
