I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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