You're my little dorito
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
