Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
