he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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