I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
