I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
