Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
