Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
