I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
