He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
