If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
