The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
