I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
