I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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