Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
