i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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