Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

Fav 121 7954 2000
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(206): View more from Washington

I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill

Fav 23 5824 850
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(314): View more from Missouri

no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.

Fav 19 7156 957
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(252): View more from North Carolina

I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

Fav 27 8572 1894
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(630): View more from Illinois

We are two peas in an std pod

Fav 12 1214 5879
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(989): View more from Michigan

there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere

Fav 12 1456 3124
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(214): View more from Texas

He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.

Fav 7 2217 1091
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(330): View more from Ohio

it wasnt that bad

(1-330): View more from Ohio

you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad

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(850): View more from Florida

you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.

Fav 0 38 5
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