He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
