she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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