Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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