At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
