It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
