im holly from the hills drunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
