i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
