the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
