SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
