what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
