Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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